Party Tips!

So, Dear Readers, Last night I had a few of my favorite friends over for a small, casual dinner. Only eight of us, including myself. No fancy drinks, shaken or stirred; just wine. No elaborate recipes tried and true, nor the usual and always frightening: never kitchen tested entree. Nope, I was making pizzas and serving them with a tossed salad and my friend Jennifer brought her delicious cranberry/apple pie, served a la mode with coffee. So what's the biggie? Why is having a few friends over for dinner, so much work? And why am I always stressed out during the last hour and a half, ready to bite the head off any dog, cat, child, phone caller or delivery person who diverts my attention or gets in my way? (My son told me that as a little kid, he stayed clear of me if my hair was in rollers! How sad is that?)

People will tell you that your friends like you for you, they don't care if the house is clean. Right! I have learned some short cuts though, and I'm happy to share them with you, as long as you don't judge me too harshly. No. 1: Know where to position the couch pillows so that the dog hair woven into their fabric won't be back lighted by the end table lamps. No. 2: If you can't really clean like you want to, spot clean an area in the entry hall and swab it with Pine Sol, so that guests will inhale the scent of a well scrubbed floor when they arrive and assume that the maid just left. No.3: Candle light. Put candles everywhere. They create a romantic atmosphere and romance is associated with spotless silverware and sparkling wine glasses. No. 4: Serve alcohol immediately and encourage folks to relax and visit so they have a focus that doesn't include tarnished surfaces or dust bunnies. The rest, I'm afraid you're going to have to figure out for yourselves, but I am considering a way to market a product we all can use: a Pine Sol spritz! Think about the possibilities!

Jane

My mother's best friend is dying. It's as strange as if a friend of mine suddenly decided to "up and die". I've known Jane as long as I've known my mother. Sometimes, more "out" of our lives than "in", but that was usually caused by geography more than any thing else. Geography, changed by occupations and opportunities. Jobs taking lives out of Circleville, Ohio, where we all grew from generations of folks who all called each other good friends, as far as I know. My father and Jane's husband, Dave, were the kind of friends who "had each other's backs" during high school and through World War 11, then college and careers that seperated them and finally brought them back into closer proximity. Dave and my dad had adventures and secrets shared only between the two of them, they believed. And maybe that's true. But, my mother and Jane, were the solid rock that kept it all from slipping away. Everyone knew it. And, we all had to think, that Mother and Jane knew whatever there was to know. "So be it, Amen". That's who they were.
I told my daughter, Avery, that Jane was dying. She was sorry to know it, and asked why. "Because, she's ninty", I said. "Her body finally said, 'I'm ninty. It's done!'. " I went to see her twice last summer on my return visits to Columbus. Mother and I took her Frostys. "She really loves them", Mother said. "We must stop and get a Frosty for Jane". They were hard visits. Jane, who had always had the world by the tail, now in an extended care facility, in the extENDed part. Jane, whose toes were always tan in her sandles, and whose chubby face was freckled by sun, now thin and frail in a bed not far from the wasted person of someone else's mother. It was very hard on Mother too. My brothers and I knew that. But, that's what we do. We,who are left, visit those who go before us. We take them Frostys and pretend that they are seeing life the way we are still seeing it. Because they do see and enjoy it through us. We've got your back, Jane. Thank you for you.

the new year

I have never cared much for New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve, is old red and green, wrapped up in silver and gold, purple and orange. New Year's Eve, is loud, mediocre bands playing bad music. It's fireworks, party horns, phony laughter and the anticipation of a quick empty moment when people you don't know, or know, but don't really like, want to hug you too close for comfort. New Year's Eve, is empty champagne bottles, bleary eyes, crushed party hats, popped balloons, bad breath and the end of something vague.

Give me January! Any year will do. January is blue and white; clean and new. January is full of promises and warm hugs, wrapped up in best friends' well wishes for the future. January is a year full of blank calendar days waiting for new beginnings, fresh starts, and more chances to get it right this time. January is unspent. It's a shiny coin to put in your pocket. It's a blossom waiting for the sun to open it up and slowly release it's sweet fragrance into the crisp, clear, blue sky.

I love texting!

I love to text! I love the keys and the clicking. I'm addicted to the visual of the words jumping out with the click of the letters. Now to bring it down a notch or two, I have learned from my kids that texting is not less personal than calling, and sometimes it's a lot safer. I'm as "touchy feely" as anyone out there. I'm a master social worker for heaven's sake. But I have learned to receive a text rather than a call, without feeling rejected or neglected. I think we boomers feel that we have to hear that warm fuzzy voice on the other end of the our phone. But, now that we have the smart phone,which makes texting so easy, I'm asking you to try the alternative. Dig it! When your "20 something" child texts: Mom, my car won't start and I'm late for work; what should I do? You can just read it at your leisure and decide to think about it tomorrow at Tara, if you wish. Now, again, if it's 2am, you might have to rethink the Tara part. But, that's what makes it all so exciting! We get to decide when and how to respond, just like our kids do! And, its just business, not personal. "Oh, I must have been in the shower; I didn't know you texted me." Or "I was at the grocery, or the movie, or talking to a real person on the phone." And the next day, or on Sunday afternoon, you can all talk and laugh about the incident and how well they took care of the car,lost debit card, lost keys, etc.,just like we did back in the day when we had to hitchhike to a land line somewhere, regardless of the time of day or night, and call a tow truck all by our "littles", because our parents didn't have cell phones either, and they were at work, or asleep upstairs! So, boomer readers,take a lesson from your kids and enjoy your texting! It's more fun and a lot safer! They know!

Doctors? Maybe Not!

Dear Readers,(of which, as far as I know, you are still only an army of 1), have you been to your family doctor lately? Well, one day last week, I realized that the pain in my side was not caused by my students after all. It was real! So, I made an appointment to visit my friendly, family practitioner. First of all, Dr.Smith, was "Booked. Clearly booked through January, 2010". I could see his PA (not a doctor), however, and get in immediately. (What's wrong with that picture?) Well, I thought, half a doctor is better than nothing, so I made my appointment and showed up yesterday, ready for my diagnosis and an elixir to make me well again. After a brief question/answer period, and before any kind of examination, Half a Doctor, stated that he didn't really know what could be causing that pain. Even though the liver and appendix hide out in that area, he ruled out any concern that they might be malfunctioning. He suggested "gas". "No", I said. "Ladies don't have gas, and being a lady, I certainly have never suffered from any kind of gas related illness. And, the pain is always in the same area. Doesn't gas move around in there?" I got him. "Well", he said, we can do a full panel of blood work, or a sonogram, of course that gets into some bucks, even with health insurance." "I don't have that kind of money right now. It's the Christmas season!" "Well", Half a Doctor, said again, "how about changing your diet up and eating more whole grains, fruits and vegetables?" "Hey, I learned that in 4th grade health. How about an exam? Maybe you could feel for something that shouldn't be there?" "Oh, I guess we could do that". He felt around. "Nope, it all feels perfectly normal. I'll get you some dietary pamphlets to take home and read". I felt like I had just spent 20 minutes with the men who stare at goats! Here's what I'm thinking. Doctors don't really know much more than we do. It's all a smoke screen! So, maybe we should just make appointments with each other. We can sit and listen, then poke around a little. Maybe we'll know something, or maybe we won't. Just like the doctors. Or we can just make an appointment with the men who stare at goats, right from the start, and cut out the middle man. I'd rather spend 20 minutes with George Clooney than Half a Doctor, anyway!

Holiday Music

Dear Readers, (of whom you are really only 1, because I'm the other of my followers to date), have you been experiencing a vague feeling of bodily or mental disorder this holiday season?  If so, then I would dare to suggest that you, like I, might be suffering from, holiday malaise, brought on by way too many kitchy Christmas musical loops played everywhere we go from Target to Nordstroms and beyond.  Are you as tired as I am of , "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause", and the unrelenting screech of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"? (no offense to Brenda Lee, or any of the other artists who have entertained us over the years with their cutesy renditions of the above).  It's just time for some of us to say, enough already! as
I  have just said for all of us.  And, I have found the cure for our malaise:  Sting!  As I was out and about, last Saturday, and listening to KXT on the radio, the DJ introduced Sting's new album:  IF ON A WINTER'S NIGHT.  I listened for about five minutes, and I realized that I had broken free from the icy fingers of the bah humbug feeling, that had been creeping over me since I threw away the remains of the Thanksgiving turkey.  I turned right into Best Buy and bought the best buy of the Christmas Season!  I have been playing it and sharing it with friends ever since.  Do yourselves a favor, Dear Readers, and rejuvinate your Christmas spirit by listening to Sting's melodious lullabies and carols while you hang tinsel and sip eggnog under the tree!   Happy Listening!

Grapes!

Readers, I'm about to disclose the best find of 2009! Frozen grapes! Oh my! Icy, sweet, frozen grapes. Red, green, purple; it doesn't matter what color you prefer. They are all absolutely, deliciously refreshing! And, this morning, I realized another use for their perfection: "the morning after" frozen grape! Last night, I mistakenly had that glass of wine that should not have been. You know, the glass after the glass that should have been the last? Anyway, this morning, when I awoke with that dreadful feeling that a small animal had died in my mouth during the night, I suddenly thought of the gallon freezer bag of luscious grapes waiting for me. What a celestial delight. Take four or five, before coffee, and then maybe a few after coffee. (For those of you who drink coffee and don't brush your teeth: coffee breath is disgusting!) Frozen grapes clean up coffee breath too! So, a "shout out" to my friend Jennifer, who served me the best desert ever: frozen grapes. Please, buy and freeze some today. The season of the "one too many" is upon us!